Do Not Curse Your Children

Our actions have consequences for ourselves and our children.

Acts 2:39   "For the promise is unto you, and to you children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call."

Peter had just finished preaching a sermon to many of the same people who had just put Jesus to death eight and a half weeks earlier. He preached to them explaining who Jesus is and their need to be saved. Many of his hearers did feel their need for Christ. Their conscience no doubt was smitten for putting Jesus to death and also for their words at His trial. Pilate found no reason to have Jesus put to death. In response, in Matthew 27:25 "Then answered all the people and said, His blood be on us and our children." This terrible curse had to be on the minds of Peter and his hearers when Peter said "This promise is unto you and to your children". There was hope! The curse they called upon themselves and their children would have no power for all who repent and receive forgiveness...As many as the Lord our God shall call.

Do you curse your children, standing in the way of their salvation by anything you do, neglect to do, or by your own sinful example? There is hope. Repent and believe yourself. Then do everything you can to see your children do the same. Show them the love of Christ and a godly example and pray for them.

 

afar off

Let Opposition Drive You To God

"Think upon me, my God, for good, according to all that I have done for this people."
Nehemiah 5:19   

Nehemiah had a good work to do. He was in charge of building the defensive wall of Jerusalem after it had been destroyed about 70 years earlier. It was a massive job that would require almost super-human effort by Nehemiah and the people even in the best of circumstances. However, the circumstances were far from good. They faced opposition on several different fronts. Nehemiah did not let the opposition slow him down, but rather he used his own personal example of generosity, hard work, and selflessness to show the people how to live. He also used the opposition as an opportunity to pray for God's blessing. "Think upon me, my God, for good, according to all that I have done for this people. At first glance, this may sound like a selfish prayer, but it is not. When a selfless man asks for blessings on himself, everyone benefits because that man is quick to share God's goodness with others.

Can you, as a father, honestly pray the prayer of Nehemiah? Have you done your family good? If God blesses you, will you selflessly share the blessing with your family? Raising a family in a godly way is a super-human effort in the best of circumstances, but Satan makes sure that there is plenty of opposition along with a multitude of bad examples. Let the opposition drive you to God. If God blesses you, you will bless your family.

A Book Review on "Raising Godly Tomatoes" by L. Elizabeth Krueger

In Titus chapter two, there are commands given to five different groups of people: older men, older women, young men, young women, and servants. In a blog for fathers, this may seem a little odd, but we are going to focus on what it says to the women. There are things that fathers can glean about raising children and being godly husbands.

Titus 2:3-5  "The aged women likewise...That they may teach the young women to...love their children, to be...keepers at home..."

First, by implication we can see that our wives need our leadership and support in their difficult task or raising your children. Second, we learn that the less experienced younger person should listen to and even seek to be taught by the more wise and experienced older person. There is a lot we do not know. It is sinful pride to think we know so much that teaching is not necessary. The Bible itself tells us that our wives need to be taught how to love and raise their children. If our wives need to be taught what comes naturally to them, how much more do we fathers need to be taught what does not come as naturally to us?

About a year ago, shortly after I finally decided to get serious and do whatever it takes to raise my children in a way that honors God, I read a book called "Raising Godly Tomatoes: Loving Parenting With Only Occasional Trips to the Woodshed" by L. Elizabeth Krueger. I read it, then I re-read it, and now I am reading it for a third time. It is written by a mother of ten children primarily to mothers of small children. As a father I will say that it is just as helpful to fathers as it is to mothers. Mrs Krueger uses the Bible as she dispenses wise and experienced advice and cuts through all of the nonsense and gets to the hearts of both children and and parents. The central tenets are: God has put the parents over the children and not the other way around, be consistent, keep your children close to you and know what they are doing, and go to the child's heart and the behavior will follow.

This book has changed my family's life for the better in practical ways second only to the Bible. Read this book. It will not take you long because it is hard to set down. Then give it to your wife to read. Or, better yet, read it with her.

Lessons From Illness

John 11:4 "...This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby." 

My family recently went through a time of illness. It was not a serious illness; just colds. However, we have a newborn. If she would have caught the cold, the consequences would have been far more serious. Because of this, my daughter and wife spent about four or five days with her parents. The other four children (ages two to ten) stayed with me. It is not easy watching four children while cooking, cleaning, going to work, dealing with illness, potty training the youngest, etc. It was hard on all of us.

I believe it was Jonathan Edwards who said that God did not always send illness as a punishment for sin, but it should be a time of repentance and spiritual reflection. I have always told my children this when they have been ill. It seemed that God not only sent illness to help my children grow spiritually, but also for me. I learned to appreciate my wife more. What she does is very difficult, yet she manages to get it done. That would have been harder to realize had she not been gone for a while. Also, my wife was not here to help me with the children, so my faults at fathering were greatly magnified to the point where I knew there needed to be changes. The most important thing that I learned is that I had been allowing my children to be lazy. When I had to do everything myself with little to no help from my children, it quickly became clear that I have some training to do with them. I have been working at this, but deeply entrenched bad habits are hard to change. With hard work and much prayer, we are seeing some improvement.
I can truly say with the psalmist : (Psalm 119:71) "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes."

Finish What You Start

What do these verses have in common?

Luke 14:28-30 "For which of you intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply [perhaps], after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build and was not able to finish."

I Corinthians 12:23 "God is not the author of confusion, but of peace..."

Eight years ago, we bought a fairly large, well-built, 100 year old house. We could only afford it because it was so ugly. The previous owners did a lot of "remodeling" that was in very poor taste. Also, the kitchen was in the back of the house and had the appearance of a dungeon. When we bought the house, we had two children ages two and six months. Now we have five. I am not slothful, but I have a very hard time finishing what I start. There are a lot of projects started and only a few finished. The most problematic incompletion is the kitchen. It is functional, but it lacks cabinets and it looks really bad. It was started three and a half years ago. In those three and a half years, we have had two children with two difficult pregnancies, my wife got shingles twice, an elderly relative moved in for a few weeks, etc. etc. Most people would say that, with everything going on, it is justifiable not to have the kitchen and other projects completed. However, as the leader of my family, I should persevere and complete the projects. That is where I Corinthians 12:23 comes in. "God is not the author of confusion, but of peace..."The messier our house, the more chaos and confusion there is in it. If God is not the author of confusion, who is? Obviously, Satan is. Satan loves to cause problems in families. My disobedience to the Bible on what seems to be a small issue; starting a project without quickly finishing, is causing chaos, confusion, and consequently disobedience in my children.

While we should not make idols of our houses, they should be centers of hospitality and also the primary training ground for our children. These are much harder to accomplish when the house is in a state of upheaval.

Now that I realize that I have been sinful and disobedient to God's word, and my disobedience has caused problems in my family, I must ask God and my family to forgive me, and with God's help, do something to change. God giving me grace, I will work together with my family and persevere to complete the projects one at a time before starting another one. I need to count the cost and see if I have sufficient time and resources to finish what I start.  

 

 

Sinfulness Equals Misery

"Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin, and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned." Romans 5:12 

Question #30 of the Westminster Shorter Catechism asks, "What befell our first parents when they sinned?" Answer: "Instead of being holy and happy, they became sinful and miserable."

As fathers, God has called us to raise our children for their own good. When a child sins, he is going against God. A child cannot be joyful in this condition. We are often tempted to ignore sin in our children saying to ourselves, "It was just a little thing" or, "My child is too young to understand" or, "I will deal with it later". Sin is a big deal. It is offensive to God and it should also be offensive to us; both our children's sin and our own.

 Back to the answer to the catechism question...
"Instead of being holy and happy, they became sinful and miserable."
It is not always easy to know if an action is sinful or not, but when a child is miserable, it is easy. There is sin involved. If a child is sick, he is uncomfortable and in pain, but he does not have to have his joy taken away and have it replaced with misery. Just remember Paul and Silas being beaten, thrown in prison, and put in the stocks. (Acts 16:23-25) What did they do in this condition that most people would call "Miserable"? They were no doubt uncomfortable, but their joy was not taken away. (Verse 25) They prayed and sang praises to God. If a child needs comforting, then comfort him, but do not help Satan take away his joy by indulging his sin. Deal with it.

Train Up a Child God's Way

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

This verse is almost always used when the subject of parenthood is discussed, and for good reason. Our actions as parents have long term, even potentially eternal, effects on our children, either for good or for bad. Almost always, this verse is used to encourage parents to train their children in the ways that God commands.  Then, later in life, the children will still be godly. It is certainly true that we should train our children in the ways of God. As those children grow, they will often remain faithful into old age.  However, I believe this verse is also a warning to parents.  The key is the words, "the way he should go".  What are the ways that a child will go if left to himself with no guidance?  He will be foolish, selfish, unkind and lazy.  These things are not just a stage of life that all children go through and then grow out of.  Later in life they may "refine" them and make them appear more respectable to others, but they will still be there.  It is our job as fathers to train up our children in the ways that God would have them to go and not the way our children want to go.

Two Proverbs that say something similar are Proverbs 22:15 and Proverbs 29:15

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15

 A lot can be said about this verse.  All I will say for now is that foolishness is the default position.  If we do nothing, that is what we will get.  We need to take action in order to remove the foolishness from the heart.

"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother shame." Proverbs 29:15

Do not leave a child to himself!  Use not only the rod, but also reproof.  That takes much more time and effort, but the reward of raising godly children is well worth it.